Feeling like you’re so harsh on yourself lately? Time to reassess your expectations.

Expectations are a double-ended sword; despite them being your source of motivation and dedication, they can be your source of disappointment and frustration.

Your expectation could originate from your family models, authority figures, childhood incidents, or current circumstances. If you build up unrealistic expectations in your mind, you might find yourself putting in extreme effort on a constant basis. This will lead to adding unnecessary pressure and stress as you’re doing the most basic tasks and will have its downfalls on your mental health.

So, how to stop setting the bar too high? 

What are unrealistic expectations?

Expectations are the beliefs or feelings that something might or should happen to you or others. You usually manage your expectations based on reasonable thinking patterns, and these could be ruled by your own perceptions and aspirations. However, when these expectations are beyond your ability to reach, at least in the short term, then this returns with its negative outcomes. 

These key signs can help you recognize patterns of unrealistic expectations:

• You often criticize yourself
• You seek constant validation
• You are fixating on small details
• You are often upset with yourself
• You set unattainable goals for yourself
• You only feel good when you succeed
• You find plenty to criticize in yourself and others
• You experience inner struggles due to unmet needs
• You link your self-worth to your work performance
• You scold and shame yourself when you don’t reach your goals.

If you experience any of the examples listed above, you may have unrealistic expectations for yourself, so how to cope with that?

How to manage unrealistic expectations

Practice gratitude

The best method in order to regain your comfort, and add peace into your mind, is to practice gratitude. This is a good strategy to replace your negative feelings with more cooperative and interconnected ones. Journal the moments when you felt happy, and go back to these moments in times of frustration.

Practice self-exploration

It is really important to increase your sense of self-awareness, by understanding the origin of your expectations, and understanding where your inner critic came from. Make sure to listen to your inner voice, understand where it came from, and embrace its existence. Remind yourself that not getting there yet doesn’t indicate your failure and that your pace doesn’t define your path.

Focus on your achievements

Instead of focusing on what you have not reached yet, shift your attention to the many accomplishments you attained. Whether that was participating in that contest, being recognized at work, or simply surviving the day. This will help ground your feelings and remind you that you have done so much so far, and a lot is yet to be done.

Understand your limits

Once you define your abilities and capacity, you will have a clearer idea of the expectations you set. Make sure to reflect on yourself and define your required efforts in order to better assess your deliverables. Remember that knowing your limits is a sense of emotional intelligence.

Replace your “I should have done better”

With “I did my best, and I’m learning as I go”