Trauma affects the mind and body, to an extent where you might form an unhealthy attachment to your trauma origin. What is trauma bonding? And how to cope with it?
The nervous system stores trauma-bonding.
The brain creates connections between “love” and mistreatment or neglect. It is a hormonal attachment produced by ongoing maltreatment, laced with occasional “saving,” and in adults, it may have its roots in early childhood trauma.
Traumatizing relationships are typically formed in abusive childhoods resulting from alternating positive and negative reinforcement periods. Additionally, it is built on a compulsion to relive early unconsciously unresolved trauma in our interpersonal relationships.
When the victim of abuse develops an unhealthful link with the abuser, it results in repeated cycles of violence and regret as the victim of abuse could grow sympathetic toward the abuser.
If you relate, I’m sorry, and I hope this blog helps you cope.
What is a traumatic bond?
We all might experience a hard-wired tendency to seek out an attachment figure (a caregiver) in times of threat. Even if our love partners, for example, abuse us, we will inevitably turn to them for solace. The bond that results from this allows us to explain or justify the abuser’s behavior. As a result, the attachment becomes more assertive, making it more challenging to end the toxic relationship.
Trauma bonding is a psychological reaction to abuse. It frequently occurs when a victim of abuse develops an unhealthy relationship with their abuser as they will start to feel pity or love for them; this link might form quickly or gradually. But, it’s vital to remember that not everyone who has experienced abuse will establish a trauma bond.
What are the signs of a traumatic bond?
The primary indicator that someone has formed a link with an abuser is when they make an effort to explain or defend the abuse.
They might also:
- Agree with the abusive person’s justifications for mistreating them
- Attempt to defend the abusive person
- Argue with / or avoid helping others like friends, family, or neighbors
- Become hostile or defensive if someone steps in to stop the abuse, like a bystander or police officer
- Be reluctant to take action to leave the abusive situation or break the bond.
Four ways to cope with a traumatic bond
- Be present
People’s trauma attachments might be maintained by the hope that an abusive individual will change or because of the nostalgia for happier times in the past. Try to take a moment to acknowledge what is happening right now and the effect it causes. Keep a journal if it is safe to do so. You can start noticing patterns and issues with behavior that may not have first seemed abusive by keeping a daily journal of what happens.
- Don’t blame yourself.
It may be more challenging to break free if you think you brought on the abuse or caused it, which will keep you in the relationship. You’re not to blame for this, no matter what:
- anything you might have done or not
- how much do you fear being alone or living without them
- how many times you’ve already returned
You deserve better, indeed! This fact should sink in by substituting affirmations and constructive self-talk instead of self-criticism and blame.
- Talk with your close ones
Speaking out about trauma is not simple. However, your close ones can provide crucial perspective. Try to reach out to those you trust and then you can analyze whether or not their remarks are accurate. If you still feel unsafe, you can consult a therapist for a more professional outlook. Without assistancet, you might not find it simple to escape, and that is completely natural. You can learn more about the patterns that underlie trauma bonding from a therapist, and this knowledge can frequently shed a lot of light.
- Practice positive self-talk
It is essential since trauma can undermine a person’s self-worth and lead them to believe they are powerless to escape the pain. One might start to modify this by recognizing negative self-talk and confronting it with constructive alternatives.
It takes time to cultivate wholesome connections and relationships in your life if you want to dissolve a trauma bond. Rebuilding self-esteem and a sense of support require changing behaviors to make time for personal interests or to spend more time with non-toxic friends and family! But, trust me, you got this!
You are never to blame for abusive relationships, as well as for creating a traumatic bond!
Getting support from a qualified professional can make a world of difference. It might take time to rebuild self-worth and to feel like you’ve finally escaped, but you’re with the breakthrough!