We as humans seek closure looking for peace after experiencing emotional pain, losing, and mourning. Here’s how to seek closure in a healthy way, and how to cope with your emotions.
Closure is part of our emotional needs. People need answers to why a particular event occurred, why they were chosen to struggle with confusion and mental suffering, and whose responsibility it is. The objective of closure is mainly reaching peace. We want that peace to keep moving, progress, and, most importantly, to put an end to thinking about and triggering emotional hurt. However, in some cases of breakups, peace is not solely the sense of closure. When peace is not what the couples seek, it’s more about getting revenge.
However, seeking closure before having the chance to analyze or process an event, which is what most people fall into, can leave them entirely psychologically exposed to the responses or actions of the person they’re seeking to be granted closure from. Sometimes, when the answer is unavailable, and clarity is so hard to reach, we must accept what it is, learn from our experience, and keep moving forward.
The need to seek closure is normal; many people struggle for an extended period of time, trying to reach the peace they believe closure will give them. While looking after closing past events, they might lock themselves in a cycle of emotional struggles.
This blog will discuss closure reasons and coping methods.
Why we seek closure
The desire for closure is not limited to romantic relationships. Other painful endings include the death of a loved one, and the loss of a job, status, or way of life. When we seek closure, we seek answers as to what caused a particular loss to resolve the painful feelings it has caused. When people need closure the most, it is usually because the event is significant to them, holding exceptional value and meaning. Knowing what happened in the past can help us maintain our identity and learn more about ourselves and others.
Even among people with a similar need for closure, what is satisfactory to one person may not be sufficient for another. Every person’s need for closure is unique, and it appears to change depending on the situation and personality traits and values.
Why sometimes closure may be a dead end?
Trying to seek closure can be a dreadful task. Sometimes, we put so much effort into making others understand our point of view or perspective on a particular issue. In contrast, the other person can simply leave feeling frustrated by not putting in the same effort. Most of the time, that person doesn’t accept a perspective that is different from theirs. In this case, conflicts will arise, and you might be accused of being “guilty.” Other times, we might seek closure from people who are no longer accessible. For example, seeking closure from a dead person can never be attained. In this case, you should move on to embracing your pain of loss and not getting over it.
Ways to cope with seeking closure.
1. Hold yourself accountable.
It is your responsibility to pull yourself out of a dreadful cycle. If you want to move on from a sad breakup, losing a close person, or not getting an answer that could help you have clarity, it is only you who can heal yourself, not the answers you want to hear. Talk to yourself and ask questions to help you process the whole experience before demanding closure. You will find the answers within you. Ask yourself:
- What or whom are you holding onto? Why? Is it helping you feel happy?
- Do you want to avoid loss?
- What will you do to let go?
- Are you scared of the future?
- What do you anticipate will happen to you if you move on?
Once you form a clearer picture about the situation, you can see the reality and pass over any emotional struggles like disappointment and anger. Honesty is critical in this step.
2. Allow yourself to grieve.
You’ve probably heard a very common phrase told to people struggling with closure, “just move on.” this sentence will not help you; it might make you feel more frustrated. Instead of being consumed with unrealistic expectations, give yourself time. Take your time until you feel better again. But, be aware of falling into the never-ending cycle of grief and sticking yourself in the past. Years of grief are not typical and may lead to poor decisions in the long run. Make sure before you move on you no longer have any unresolved issues that might arise in future relationships or new situations.
3. Practice self-compassion.
Shift to a positive mindset. See the good in you and invest in your strengths. Don’t try to blame yourself for missed answers. Find the peace you are searching for within you. One way is to journal about yourself. Wright down the things you are grateful for, your skills, your talents, and what you are best at. Also, keep your circle supportive by choosing to keep people who know you best closer to you. We all need external support. Choose to progress in life and refrain from pleasing people.
4. Plan it.
To move forward, you should be aware of the paths you might take in order to reach your goal. Set priorities and options to discover what way will best suit you. Determine what’s most essential for you to move forward. Not all paths will work out, and you might struggle in some. However, if you never try, you will never know your capacity to handle situations.
Struggling to move on without closure can be mentally draining and leave you hunted by your past. You can still get over it without seeking closure because it is rarely the solution. Learn to find your peace by understanding the experience, practicing self-compassion, giving yourself time to grieve, and planning your steps forward.
