People who suppress their emotions instead of expressing them can struggle with serious mental and physical struggles in the long term. Here is why it is difficult to express emotions and how to cope with them?
It is a common issue that expressing emotions can be quite a heavy task and sometimes impossible for some. But why? Why do we tend to hide our feelings while we have the option to share them?
Struggling to express your emotions can affect your quality of life in so many negative ways. People who fear talking about their emotions might try avoidance, which can negatively influence them. The consequences include struggling to sleep, isolating themselves, having a negative perspective on life, and experiencing unexpected strong reactions like crying excessively. When you cage your emotions inside your body, they do not vanish over time. These unresolved and unexpressed emotions show up in the form of daily struggles, stress, anxiety, and difficulty performing tasks.
Difficulty expressing your emotions is like being in a battle with yourself. But, with practice and patience, you can learn to express what you feel and manage your big emotions positively.
Read on to know more.
Causes of suppressing emotions:
There are many reasons why someone might choose to silence their emotions instead of expressing them. Some of these reasons go back to:
- Past traumas:
When you go through complicated and emotionally draining situations, you develop a trauma, and these unresolved traumas from the past will cause you to fear experiencing those unpleasant emotions again. Instead of allowing those emotions to take place, people choose to protect their sense of safety by hiding them, avoiding situations that remind them of unpleasant emotions, and refraining from triggering conversations. Sometimes, people are afraid to overwhelm the listener with their emotions. So it’s either to protect their peace or others’ peace.
- Childhood:
Growing up with parents who follow toxic parenting styles can mold children into becoming scared adults. As a child, when facing big emotions, the first option to protect themselves is to run back to their parents. The problem could be if the child who is angry, sad, or frustrated is faced with blaming, shaming, or punishment. The next time this child faces a similar situation, he/she will most probably refrain from expressing their emotions, fearing being treated negatively. This child grows holding on to this unhealthy habit of suppressing their emotions.
- Personality:
Personalities are not standard. Every one of us has his/her own personality and characteristics that are unique and shape our identity. Some people have the ability to talk freely and openly about their feelings because they tend to be more social. These people are often referred to as extroverts. Conversely, some people are usually quieter and prefer to contain their emotions. This is considered an introverted personality, and nothing is wrong with it. However, in both cases, people tend to be more comfortable discussing their emotions in a positive and relaxed atmosphere.
- Fear of rejection:
Fear of rejection is another face of attachment linked to trauma. People who lack security and go through traumatic events struggle to secure attachment with others. One good example is refugees forced to endure demanding situations leading to trauma. How can this lead them to suppress their emotions? Trauma makes it harder for them to express their feelings because it leads to trust issues with people. Insecurely attached people tend to hide their emotions more because they fear rejection.
How to cope with the fear of expressing emotions
- Breath
Taking deep breaths is part of grounding techniques to be more aware of your emotions. Deep breathing has so many benefits you may never expect. Breathing is an unintentional action we do to survive; however, deep breathing is different because it reminds us to do it the right way. Stop for a moment, inhale, hold your breath for seconds, and then release. You will realize you feel more relaxed and calmer to express your big emotions better. Deep breathing will also help you have a better memory, learn from your experiences, and have a transparent scheme of your emotions. Don’t underestimate the power of deep breathing.
- Write it down
Practice journaling daily, write down your feelings as they are, and keep yourself equipped with writing tools. If you can’t express your emotions out loud, try acknowledging them privately in written words. This will help you better understand them and lessen stress levels. When you journal, your emotions are no longer trapped inside you; instead, you can see them clearly in front of you. Knowing them and what triggers are most likely to bring them up to the table will support you in building a defensive plan to cope with similar situations. You can choose to keep those writings for yourself or share them with a supportive and empathetic person.
- Identify and accept your emotions
If you struggle to share your emotions, you must consider this practical step. Identifying your complicated emotions as knowing what you are feeling at that moment, what are the thoughts in your mind, and what sensations you can feel in your body. Try to zoom out of the situation and act as the third party. While you pause for some time and reflect on the experience, you can positively understand the reality. This step should prepare you for acceptance. Allow your feelings to show up without trying to suppress or shape them.
- Choose a good listener.
First, remember that when you can’t feel comfortable reaching anyone around you or your social circle is limited, a therapist is a safe place to reach out. Part of their job is to listen to you actively without judgment. Besides therapy, a safe person to whom you want to express your emotions without worrying is someone who puts effort into understanding you, empathizes with you, and, most importantly, will not judge you. Make sure this person is available to listen, take permission first, and set a specific time. The listener, however, is a human and has his/her challenges; that’s why it’s important to respect their emotions and stop when necessary.
Effectively listening and surfacing your emotions can aid in better expression, less suppression, and all the adverse effects it holds.
Learn to embrace those emotions first, allow them to be, and practice mindfulness.