Chronic invalidation, whether from yourself or others, can frequently lead to feelings of worthlessness and loneliness. What are the effects of chronic invalidation, and how can you cope with it?

Acceptance of a person’s views, feelings, and emotions is referred to as validation. The reverse of validation is invalidation, which occurs when a person’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors are rejected, judged, or disregarded. Validation does not always imply agreement with another person’s subjective experience. Validation merely makes room for another person’s emotional condition to exist. Unfortunately, many people do not receive validation in their relationships with others for a very long time, which can leave the recipient feeling unheard and rejected, resulting in long-term emotional damage.

You may feel unimportant or irrational as a result of chronic invalidation. It can take many different forms and occur at any time. Nonverbal cues include rolling your eyes, ignoring the person, or playing on your phone while someone is speaking. These incidents can then impact your daily life – at work, home, and in your relationships. chronic emotional invalidation can sometimes rise to other negative emotions and even mental health problems.

Understanding invalidation and learning how to spot it will help you learn to cope with it more effectively when it occurs.

Read on to know more.

What is Chronic Invalidation?

When a person’s feelings are minimized, ridiculed, disregarded, or rejected, this is referred to as emotional invalidation. When invalidation is strong, long-lasting, and negatively affects someone’s perspective of themselves and the world, it can be devastating. They may be unable to accept their own emotional experiences if they are constantly told that their feelings or experiences are illogical. This is chronic invalidation.

It occurs when someone is told that their experiences in their environment are incorrect, foolish, or unimportant. It conveys the message that a person’s emotional experience is faulty, insignificant, and unpleasant. They are basically informed that their feelings are unimportant. 

However, emotions do matter and should be respected because emotions perform an important function. They are your internal messengers concerning your experiences, and they should not be dismissed. For example, feeling angry, fearful, or sad alerts you that something is wrong, allowing you to assess the situation and decide how to respond appropriately.

This is why invalidation generates confusion: your mind and body are providing you signals, while someone else is telling you that those messages about yourself are incorrect. However, your emotions are neither correct nor incorrect. Because they reflect your thoughts, experiences, and perceptions, two individuals can have the same event but feel very differently.

Sometimes, chronic invalidation may be unintentional, which can occur when someone is well-meaning yet demonstrates insufficient caring. They may lack emotional intelligence or simply be unconcerned about your sentiments. Invalidators with good intentions frequently argue that the purpose is to assist someone feels better or differently—to the emotion they perceive to be more genuine or valid. 

Signs and Effects of Chronic Invalidation

Chronic invalidation is sometimes used to manipulate and make you question your feelings and experiences. A pattern of invalidation is a type of emotional abuse characterized by a prolonged denial of you or your experience. It suggests that you are incorrect, exaggerating, or lying. 

The following are sample phrases of chronic invalidation:

• I’m sure it wasn’t as horrible as it seemed.
• You took it far too personally.
• Simply let it go.
• You’re strong to handle this.
• It could be much worse.
• Everything occurs for a reason.
• You should not be upset (or sad, scared, anxious, etc.).
• You’re being very dramatic.
• You most likely misunderstood what they meant.

Blaming, condemning, denying, and minimizing your feelings or experiences are the most prevalent forms of invalidation. Invalidation isn’t just disagreeing, it says: “I don’t care about your feelings. Your emotions are unimportant. Your emotions are incorrect.” The invalidated person frequently leaves a conversation feeling befuddled and self-conscious.

Effects of chronic invalidation include:

• Problems with identity: Chronic invalidation can damage a person’s sense of self. People who believe their personality traits, attitudes, and behaviors are not accepted may develop low self-esteem or a negative sense of self.

• Difficulty controlling emotions: Invalidation reminds people that their sentiments or the manner they express those feelings are incorrect. It can make people feel like they can’t trust their emotions, making it difficult to regulate those sensations.

• Altered mental well-being: Chronic invalidation may also contribute to mental health disorders such as sadness and anxiety. Invalidation can lead to people believing that their opinions and feelings are unimportant to others. Invalidation, particularly self-invalidation, can also make a recovery from mental health conditions more difficult.

So, How to Deal with Chronic Invalidation?

Clarify your boundaries

Setting limits with those who invalidate you may be good for you. For example, if a coworker repeatedly takes credit for your work or a friend consistently tells you your feelings are not a big deal, tell them how you feel and encourage them to cease the offending behavior. If they do not respect your requests, spend as little time as possible with them. When this is not an option (for example, with family members), consider dealing with each scenario independently rather than allowing many sources of invalidation to influence you.

Use “I” statements

Being the victim of chronic invalidation can frequently set off a fight-or-flight response, causing you to act angrily or defensively. However, this may just create disagreement and division, aiding the perpetrator’s attempt to divert your attention away from the genuine issue at hand. It is reasonable to be irritated if someone is not validating you. You may wish to defend yourself and strengthen your efforts to be understood. So, rather than being enraged or defending yourself against this invalidating conduct, try not to accept it. Let them know how you feel quietly, using “I” words, and be prepared to quit the conversation if they do not hear or want to hear you. Inform them that you will discuss the problem with them when you are comfortable doing so. Set clear boundaries with them while remaining impartial and assertive.

Validate your own feelings

Everything begins with you. Be able to work on self-acceptance and validation. Remind yourself that you are valuable regardless of what others believe. Believe in yourself and establish a solid basis for your personality. You have no influence over other people or the environment. You have control over how you feel about things and how you react to them. You must not give others more able to affirm you than you do yourself emotionally.

Chronic emotional invalidation can have a negative impact on both your mental and physical health. Begin validating and accepting yourself and your emotions, and you will be able to stand up to others whose comments take your feelings away.