Parents that are emotionally immature (EI) are both aggravating and demoralizing. It’s difficult to love an emotionally blocked parent who wants honor and special treatment while attempting to dominate and ignore you. What are the signs of Emotionally Immature Parents, and how can you deal with them as an adult?

As children, we look to our parents for guidance and support. Our parents are expected to love us and lead us with knowledge. What if you were raised by an emotionally immature parent?

Emotional maturity is defined as the ability to perceive, express, and control one’s own emotions while empathizing with and responding to the emotions of others. When parents are emotionally immature, they cannot manage their emotions and are too focused on themselves to care about the needs of their children.

A connection with an EI parent is distinguished by a failure to meet your emotional needs. They are uninterested in emotional closeness, in which two people get to know and understand each other deeply. This mutual sharing of deepest sentiments generates a fulfilling, deep link that makes the participants valuable to each other, but it is not something EI parents are comfortable doing.

There are four sorts of emotional parents:

• Emotional Parents: Emotionally manipulative EIPs expect to be taken care of, use emotional tactics to influence others, and seek a peer-to-peer or role-reversed relationship with the child.
• Driven Parents: These parents are very controlling and meddling and they may use guilt or other harsh tactics to teach their children not to ask them for deeper emotional connection or empathy (because they don’t know how to offer it).
• Passive Parents: The passive parent rarely provides actual limitations or instruction to their children to assist them in navigating the world. They would rather take a back seat to a domineering partner, even allowing abuse and neglect to occur by turning a blind eye.
• Rejecting Parents: These parents communicate with their children largely by issuing directives, blowing up, or distancing themselves from family life, depending on what is best for the parent at the time. They frequently govern the family and house; everything revolves around them, and the family instinctively avoids upsetting them since their emotions can be caustic and nasty.

Emotionally immature parents are afraid of genuine feelings and avoid emotional contact. Instead of dealing with reality, they employ coping techniques to avoid it. Because they dislike self-reflection, they rarely accept fault or apologize. Their immaturity causes them to be inconsistent and emotionally untrustworthy, and they become oblivious to their children’s needs once their own agenda enters the picture.

Here are the signs of EIP and how to deal with them.

5 Signs you grew up with EIP

1. You feel emotionally lonely in their presence.

Growing up with EI parents causes emotional isolation. Although your parent was physically present, you may have felt emotionally abandoned. Although you may have a family link with your EI parent, this is not like an emotionally secure parent-child relationship. EI parents prefer to tell their children what to do, but they dislike emotional nurturing. When you’re sick, your EI parents will take fantastic care of you, but they won’t know what to do for hurt feelings or shattered hearts. As a result, when attempting to calm a concerned child, they may appear unnatural and awkward.

2. Interactions are one-sided and aggravating.

Because of their self-absorption and lack of empathy, encounters with EI parents feel one-sided. They appear to be imprisoned by their own self-involvement. When you try to communicate something vital to you, they will most likely talk over you, shift the subject, begin talking about themselves, or ignore what you’re saying. Children of EI parents frequently know far more about their parents’ troubles than they do about their own. Although EI parents demand your attention when they are upset, they rarely give listening or have empathy when you are sad. Instead of sitting with you and letting you express yourself completely, EI parents usually provide shallow solutions, tell you not to worry, or even become frustrated with you for being sad.

3. You feel compelled and confined.

EI parents urge that you prioritize them and let them rule the show. To that aim, they use shame, guilt, or terror to compel you into doing what they want. If you don’t toe the line, they can explode in blame and wrath. Many people use the term manipulation to describe these types of emotional coercions, but I believe it is deceptive. These actions are more akin to survival instincts. They will do whatever it takes to feel more in control and protected in the present, regardless of the cost. Because EI parents relate in a superficial, egotistical manner, conversing with them is frequently tedious. They cling to safe discussion topics, which rapidly become stale and boring.

4. They communicate by emotional contagion.

EI parents, like little children, want you to infer their feelings without them saying anything. They are wounded and upset when you do not anticipate their wants and expect you to know what they want. When you complain that they didn’t tell you what they wanted, they respond, “If you truly loved me, you would’ve known.” They expect you to be continuously aware of them. 

5. They have no regard for your limits or personality.

EI parents don’t comprehend the concept of boundaries. They believe that boundaries signify rejection, that you don’t care about them enough to allow them full access to your life. This is why they seem surprised, insulted, or upset when you request that they respect your privacy. They only feel loved when you allow them to interrupt you at any time. EI parents desire dominant and privileged roles in which they are not required to respect the boundaries of others. EI parents also do not value your individuality since they do not see its value.

How can you deal with emotionally immature parents?

Identify the problem

You may grow up believing that you are unlovable. But you were not unlovable. Your parent had no idea how to express affection. Your parents’ parents were most likely emotionally immature as well. You know you have nothing to do with their behavior now that you understand why they acted the way they did. You may have felt unworthy and unwanted as a child. It’s time to put an end to that internal conversation. Make a genuine connection with others and begin to develop a better life.

Get in touch with your emotions

A lack of emotional awareness may have hindered you from building relationships in meaningful ways. Now is the opportunity to reconnect with yourself via profound emotional work. Connecting with your genuine sentiments after repressing or denying them your entire life can be daunting. At first, confronting undesirable thoughts toward close friends and relatives can be distressing. Emotional outbursts may make you feel guilty, ashamed, or enraged. This recovery path, however, might be aided by additional emotional support from trusted friends or family members.

Stop attempting to please them.

It’s normal to want your parents’ approval, but pleasing toxic parents might seem unattainable. Remember that this is your life, and you are free to make your own decisions and do what makes you happy. Spending your life in accordance with the ideals and aims of others can leave you feeling sad and unsatisfied. You may find yourself seeking validation from your parents and others on a regular basis, relying on them to assess and affirm your self-worth.

Establish and enforce boundaries

Boundaries assist us in establishing clear expectations and limits for how others may treat us. They can assist you in creating emotional and physical distance between you and your parents. You may not have had this experience as a child, so it may feel strange to establish boundaries and begin expressing to your parents how you want to be treated. It might be tough to establish boundaries with those who exhibit toxic habits. They may disregard boundaries. But don’t let that discourage you. Boundaries are necessary for the development and maintenance of healthy relationships. Remember that it’s okay to minimize your interaction with your parents, to say no, to arrive late, or to leave early.

Knowing your parents’ emotional immaturity liberates us from emotional loneliness because we recognize their neglect was about them, not us. 

We can finally be free of our frustration with them, as well as our worries about our own lovability, once we understand why they can’t be different.