Build compassionate connections by understanding the definition of trauma, learning its effects and delving into the strategies needed to support loved ones through their healing.
“Oh my god, and when I told her to leave, she dumped her coffee all over me! I was so traumatized!”
Woah, woah! Hang on, let’s dissect this a bit. We can all agree that dumping coffee over people is not the best way to deal with conflict, right? I mean, I’d be upset if someone threw their drink at me as well. But… I wouldn’t exactly say I’d be traumatized.
Come on! It’s just a word. No one cares, right?
Actually, yes. Technically, trauma is a word. The power behind the words we use is not a weapon to silence the semantic guards of the world. Instead, it is a magic that goes beyond just sounds, communicating our inner thoughts, feelings and desires and touching the hearts and minds of others.
Trauma is not just a word. It is a word with significant weight and consequence– a life-altering experience. What is trauma?
Dear readers, in this blog, we will re-introduce ourselves to the rawness of traumatic experiences by tapping into the unwavering importance of those who stand strong alongside their struggling loved ones.
Coffee is definitely delicious, not necessarily traumatic.
In pop culture, the word “trauma” has been adopted as a comedic exaggeration for events that are unpleasant or frustrating. However, it stands on the foundation of trivializing real traumatic experiences that are overshadowed by the examples of everyday struggles.
According to the DSM-V, it is the “exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence” whether through witnessing or experiencing. Generally, a traumatic experience is one that leaves an emotional wound, too difficult for someone to process normally. Moreover, traumatic experiences generally expose a person to perceived threats to their life or safety.
However, the processing of trauma differs from one theory to another. Some of these theories include:
- Psychodynamic Theory: In psychodynamic theory, significant weight is placed onto a person’s unconscious processes that could affect behavior. In regards to trauma processing, these unconscious processes could impact defense mechanisms and relational dynamics. Trauma could also lead to difficulty in having trust and secure attachments, as it impacts a person’s perception of their early relationships.
- Cognitive Theory: This theory focuses on a person’s thought processes and how they develop. According to this theory, trauma-related disorders stem from cognitive distortions resulting from the experienced trauma.
- Neurobiological Theory: Since our bodies function to keep us alive, being exposed to intensely distressing or threatening situations can have heavy implications on the brain and nervous system. The neurobiological theory delves into these implications, highlighting the process in which trauma dysregulates our physiological stress responses, affecting emotional regulation and threat perception.
A friend in need…
No matter what impact trauma has on a person, one weapon has a healing power against all: social support. Let me tell you, though, that this weapon doesn’t come on a silver plate! With compassion and empathy, one must be equipped with the necessary tools to support loved ones through their struggle against trauma. These tools include:
Listen and validate their emotions. Being exposed to a traumatic situation leaves an overwhelming weight on a person, one that is uneasy to carry or communicate. To support loved ones through their journey towards coping, validating their emotions is crucial for them to feel understood and less lonely. Many who experience trauma might struggle with feelings of guilt or shame, especially in communities that reinforce social stigma and pressure. Fear of judgment and internalizing shame are profound constraints against restoring safety and emotional stability. Therefore, actively listening and validating emotions creates a safe space for loved ones to feel empowered and non-judgmentally embraced.
Respect their boundaries: both physical and non-physical. Not all who are distressed would appreciate a hug. After experiencing a situation that defies one’s trust and perception of the world, their sense of safety, security and autonomy becomes frazzled. Core values are questioned and their ability to trust may be unsettled. Many might adopt coping mechanisms such as denial and avoidance, making it difficult to share their experiences. Others might require more personal space than usual. In all cases, after traumatic experiences, individuals may re-evaluate their boundaries, refusing to share some aspects of their experience or requesting physical demands, such as limiting physical contact. To support the restoration of safety, respecting these boundaries is crucial.
Educate yourself. The power behind psycho-educating oneself lies in the ability to empathetically comprehend the unique experiences your loved one is struggling with. Trauma can have complex effects on individuals, and it is crucial to educate oneself on these possible effects in order to recognize signs of distress and to compassionately respond to their needs. Knowing more about trauma can also help you support your loved one in avoiding possible triggers and in dispeling harmful misconceptions.
Be patient, always. People who are exposed to traumas might experience confusion and gaps in memory. In fact, this is not the only cognitive and emotional impairment that might be caused by traumatic experiences. People might undergo other cognitive errors such as dissociation, catastrophizing and hypervigilance. Moreover, they could suffer from a small window of tolerance, often having heightened feelings of anxiety and distress from non-threatening situations. These symptoms are confusing and overwhelming to tolerate, even for an empathetic ally. Thus, to be an effective advocate for better well-being after a traumatic experience, there is a need to be patient and tolerant.
Take care of yourself. Witnessing someone struggle with an emotional burden is difficult, especially if that person is someone you deeply care about. Holding someone’s pain is troubling even if you’re not the owner or cause of it. Moreover, embracing someone with support and validation can become draining, creating emotions of compassion fatigue and strain. Some people even experience survivor’s guilt for the difficulties their loved ones are facing. Claiming your own space for support and self-care is not only selfless and a right, but it is also indispensable for your ability to continue providing care and empathy. Whether it’s through therapy, strong social networks, or mindfulness, taking care of yourself is necessary.
Let’s transform trauma together.
Trauma is painful. The road towards healing can be long. What better way to venture through it than with those who care, love and support? Through different warm approaches, one can instill strength and hope, helping their loved ones grow and remain resilient.
And for those who are finding it difficult to connect, to accept compassion or to find comfort in others, I leave you with these couple of words, hoping you can tap into some sense of solace within them:
“Your trauma is valid. Even if others have it worse, even if someone else’s experience doesn’t seem as traumatic to you, your pain is valid.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
Thema Bryant-Davis