Pop Quiz, Anyone? Guess it’s not just our kids who have to experience the dread of pop quizzes. Don’t worry, though! Without any judgment or pressure, there’s no right or wrong answer here– just mere curiosity and an opportunity for light-hearted self-reflection.
So settle back, and with your #1 parent mug ready, let’s begin!
Question: The clock is screaming! Your little night owl strolls past the front door way after curfew. What would your reaction be?
A) “You’re grounded!”
B) “Oh, hey! You’re a bit late, I hope you can be mindful next time. Anyway, did you have fun?”
C) “Turn off the lights, will you? I’m going back to sleep.”
D) “I was so worried about you! Why were you so late? We’ll talk about your curfew in the morning.”
So, tell me, what was your pick? No matter your choice, the answer is the same: parenting is hard. I bet you spent a second scratching your head at the options, too. While there’s no “kid-raising” manual given to new parents, psychologists have tried to understand the relationship between different parental qualities and their impact on children.
In today’s blog, we will get to know the four different types of parenting styles, highlighting the one most efficient for our children’s healthy development.
Meet the Characters.
Once upon a time, in the not-so-quiet land of Parenthood, lived four very different characters. These weren’t your average fairytale folks, oh no! These were the Parenting Styles, three of them brought to life by the wise psychologist Dr. Diana Baumrind– the authoritarian, the permissive and the authoritative. But wait! Stumbling upon a new addition, researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin identified our fourth star of the show: the uninvolved.
Who are these characters? What are their superpowers? Let’s find out!
● Authoritarian Parenting
The Benevolent Dictator. Parents often believe that they know what’s best for their children. I mean, yeah, who else will stop a sugar-fueled toddler from sky-diving off the living room couch? However, authoritarian parents tend to take this concept to a whole new level. Such parenting style is characterized by a one-way communication channel, in which the parents enforce strict rules and punishment to motivate obedience. While this often stems from a place of love, the parent-child bond might end up cracking under the heavy weight of high parental expectations, with little regard to children’s opinions or interests.
● Permissive Parenting
The Laissez-Faire Friend. Let’s face it, we’ve all been there. When a clueless child would burst into loud tears, at the worst time possible, in the middle of a grocery aisle. And in a moment of panic, we let the little cutie pick the colorful
cereal they desperately desire. This, my friends, is a small glimpse into the world of permissive parenting. Permissive parents tend to prioritize their children’s happiness and desires. While that is an admirable foundation for liberating children’s sense of self-worth, it can also backfire if a balance is not met. Generally, permissive parenting can be warm, but also tends to disregard compromise, opting to set very limited boundaries or rules. It sets opportunities for children to express their wants and thoughts. However, it is usually accompanied with minimal guidance, placing the parent-child dynamic closer to one similar to being friends.
● Uninvolved Parenting
Who was it again? Ah, The Silhouette. The name itself paints a poignant picture – a parent present in form, but not really in actions. Similar to permissive parenting, uninvolved parents don’t place much emphasis on setting boundaries and rules. However, the similarities end there. Unlike permissive parents who prioritize happiness, uninvolved parents seem disengaged from the emotional landscape of their children’s lives altogether. Other than taking care of their basic needs, uninvolved parents often leave a void in areas of guidance, support, and emotional connection.
● Authoritative Parenting
The Wise Mentor. Forget the Silhouette – here’s Gandalf the Grey, Professor Dumbledore, or even Mary Poppins with her bottomless carpetbag of guidance and support. Authoritative parenting is a well-balanced mix of creating boundaries and engaging in understanding and empathy. Authoritative parents often serve as a supportive guide, laying the ground for a two-way communication in which they offer their counsel while encouraging their children to self-express and develop their critical thinking and problem solving skills. While they do set expectations and boundaries, they also tend to be flexible to encourage independence.
We’ve Got Ourselves a Winner!
In all honesty, parenting is a symphony, not a single note. It is difficult to reduce such a complex journey into four mere categories. However, these categories serve as a springboard to help guide what qualities tend to be more beneficial for our children’s development.
And, here, we introduce the winner– the receiver of the golden medal: The Wise Mentor for his role in Authoritative Parenting. A round of applause, everyone!
Research suggests that authoritative parenting is the most efficient type to nurture healthy development. Children raised by authoritative parents are those who are exposed to open communication which allows them to foster self-expression, building confidence and self-esteem. Moreover, while consequences are a part of authoritative parenting, rules and boundaries serve as guideposts, allowing space for appropriate independence and responsibility. The result? Children raised with this approach often blossom into self-assured individuals who can regulate their emotions and make sound decisions.
It Can be You!
Are you feeling some sense of envy from our legendary wise mentor? Would you like to adopt some of Mary Poppins’ unflappable demeanor? Dear contestants, here’s how you can get your own golden medal with a few tricks that require a good deal of patience and effort from both parent and child:
● Age-appropriate expectations: As children develop, they start to require different levels of guidance and support. Parental expectations should remain age-appropriate to children’s maturity and capabilities. Parents can also empower their children by helping them discover solutions and options that don’t compromise their safety.
● Consistency: They say consistency is key, and in parenting, it’s not just a saying – it’s the cornerstone of a well-functioning household. Consistent support, guidance and involvement set the foundation for mutual trust and a secure sense of belonging. Consistency also applies to boundaries and following through with consequences when rules are broken.
● Communication: And when your kids exclaim the legendary question, “But why?!”, I’m sure you may have the sudden urge to say, “Because I said so.” Easy, right? Conflict resolved– only from your end, though. On the other hand, your child is probably still going over different scenarios in their head, confusing their tiny brains further. This is where open communication shines. While it might be the harder path, it’s the most effective way to nurture empathy, understanding, and trust. Open communication can be encouraged through active listening, validating emotions and providing opportunities for self-expression and explanation.
● Appraisal of positive behavior: Unlike authoritarian parents who may focus on punishment, authoritative parents tend to encourage and foster self-discipline through positive feedback and praise. They acknowledge and celebrate effort and progress, even if the outcome isn’t flawless.
Final Verdict.
So, there you have it! We’ve explored the amazingly complicated world of parenting, governed by our four quirky characters. While the wise mentor remains close to our hearts, it’s important to remember the intricacies of what defines a parent. There’s no one-size-fits all, so take your time in exploring your own values, adapting the strengths of each parenting style to suit your own family dynamic and lifestyle.
“There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.” Sue Atkins