“Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you. Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion. Set your life on fire.”— Rumi
As humans, we tend to think a lot every single day. How many of those thoughts would you consider to be repetitive? Without even noticing, we tell ourselves stories. They explain who we are, why things happen to us and what we believe is possible. These stories may sound like small inner monologues: “I always mess things up,” or “People never stay,” or “I am resilient because I survived that.” But over time, these quiet narratives become the script that shapes how we see ourselves, how we relate to others and how we navigate the world.
But what if the story you have been carrying no longer serves you? What if the narrative you repeat is not your written fate, but an echo of old pain, fear or self-doubt? Research shows that the stories we tell about ourselves are not fixed. They can be reflected upon, repaired and even rewritten in ways that allow us to live with more freedom and hope.
The Power of Self-Narratives
Autobiographical stories are more than memories. They are frameworks that give our lives meaning and coherence. When you think of yourself as “the responsible one,” or “the one who was abandoned,” you are not just describing events. You are shaping your identity. Studies highlight that these narratives guide not only how we see our past, but also how we anticipate the future.
For example, there is greater ownership and empowerment when you’re able to see the story beyond the problem. Someone who carries the rigid thought that they are “unlucky in love” may approach relationships with guardedness, interpreting every conflict as proof that their story is true. Eventually, the self-fulfilling prophecy will play its role. On the other hand, someone who is open to the possibility of a future beyond these struggles may face difficulties with more patience, self-compassion and resilience.
The Brain’s Bias Toward the Negative
Here is where it gets tricky. The human brain has a natural tendency to focus on negative experiences more than positive ones. Psychologists call this the “negativity bias.” It is why you might remember criticism more vividly than compliments or why one rejection can overshadow years of success. This bias often seeps into our personal stories, making the inner script tilt toward self-blame or inadequacy.
If left unchecked, this bias can lead to persistent narratives that undermine mental health. Thoughts like “I am not good enough,” “I always fail,” or “I do not deserve happiness” may take root, shaping both mood and behavior. Recognizing this bias is the first step toward loosening its grip.
What Happens When We Rewrite Our Stories
Building Hope
Here’s what we forget about our stories: we can always reclaim our writing pen. With intention and support, you can also guide the direction of your life. Therapy often uses this principle by helping people reconstruct narratives that acknowledge pain while also highlighting resilience, agency and growth.
Rewriting does not mean pretending we didn’t experience hardships. But it can also invite us to look at what we want to create for ourselves. This subtle shift opens space for dignity and hope.
Nurturing Our Relationships
The stories we tell ourselves do not exist in isolation. They shape how we connect with others. A person who carries the belief “I cannot trust anyone” may struggle to form close relationships, even if the people around them are supportive. Another who repeats the narrative “I always have to take care of others” may find themselves exhausted by one-sided dynamics. By reshaping these internal patterns, we give ourselves the opportunity to foster stronger relationships with others through a connection that’s healthy and balanced.
Improving Your Well-Being
Stories are rooted in emotional impact. They can make us laugh, cry and reflect. Similarly, when negative self-narratives dominate, they can contribute to depression, anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. Maladaptive stories often correlate with poorer psychological well-being, while more adaptive and coherent narratives are associated with resilience and recovery.
In therapy, we recognize the powerful connection between our stories and mental health. We aim to guide people find their inner voice, translating it into a life they feel aligned with.
Let’s Rewrite Our Story
Sometimes, it may seem unnatural to go against what you’re used to. In gradual steps, and with the help of a mental health professional, you can start living a life that’s intentional, powerful and aligned with your desired narrative at large.
1. Notice the Script
Most of us have patterns; those we may not be aware of, but have unconsciously guided the course of our lives. Pay attention to these recurring contexts you find yourself in. Awareness is the first step.
2. Question the Origin
Ask yourself where these stories came from. Did they begin with a childhood experience, a criticism or a failure? Sometimes, just recognizing that a story was inherited rather than chosen creates distance from it.
3. Look for Contradictions
If your story is “I always fail,” list times when you’ve succeeded, no matter how small. Training the brain to avoid the “negativity bias” requires effort and motivation. But these moments challenge the absoluteness of negative self-talk.
4. Create a Reframe
Stories were created to include adventures, mistakes and successes. Acknowledge that your story is no different. Recognize that you can also face hardship, and yet, you have the resilience needed to find your happy ending. Instead of “I am broken”, let’s try “I have been hurt, but I am learning to heal.”
5. Practice Repetition
Just as old stories became ingrained through repetition; new ones need to be repeated to take root. Journaling, affirmations or sharing them aloud can reinforce the shift.
Choosing Stories That Serve You
Rewriting a story is not about denying pain or forcing positivity. It is about freeing ourselves from the entrapment of one chapter, and beginning to see the author in us.
Rewriting your story begins with one choice: to see yourself not just through the lens of your past, but through the possibility of your future. And in doing so, you may discover a new way of living, a way that is not only more compassionate but also more true.
The stories we tell ourselves have power. They can liberate us. They can transform us.