An insecure attachment is when someone has difficulties in making emotional connections with others around them. This attachment style includes anxious and avoidant attachment styles; they are unhealthy ways of connecting with others in our adult lives. Both are rooted in childhood without a consistent environment where the child feels supported and validated.
Today we’ll be tackling these unhealthy attachment styles, and what can be done in your adult life to try to mend old emotional wounds.
What is an Attachment Style?
We all form emotional bonds with people differently; an attachment style dictates how we do it. An attachment style is a basis of how we nurture our relationships, and it is necessary to reconsider our own way of forming bonds since it might not be the healthiest process.
When a relationship is threatened, your behavior exhibits your type of attachment. If you look back on the last time a close relationship was jeopardized, were you trusting and hopeful in your approach or fearful, anxious, and clingy?
How Does it Affect Your Adult Relationships?
Our attachment style starts developing through our relationship with our caregivers as young children, and it is thought to be the foundation of future dynamics in relationships.
A recent study has shown a significant concordance between insecure attachments and depressive symptoms, plus dysfunctional attitudes in adults.
Additionally, an anxious attachment was found to be mediated by dysfunctional attitudes and low self-esteem, a study proving that both mediators link to internalizing symptoms of anxiety and depression later on.
Avoidant Attachment Style: A Difficulty in Reaching Out
Avoidant attachment is displayed among people who had emotionally unresponsive and unavailable caregivers. As adults, an avoidant attachment is shown with a person that seems independent on the outside but refuses to verbalize their needs to others.
They are people who avoid intimacy, with a dismissive attitude, and refuse to get close to other people because they might believe or feel that they shouldn’t.
Anxious Attachment Style: Insecurity in Relationships
Anxious attachment is seen with adults who are always looking for validation and reassurance, who have difficulty trusting others, and can be overly dependent on other people.
They are the people always worried about their relationships, with a constant of hypersensitivity and moodiness.
This attachment style is due to the inconsistent behavior of caregivers, being nurturing and helpful at times, then emotionally unavailable and insensitive at other times. This inconsistency leads to a child’s confusion, not knowing what behavior to expect from their caregiver.
Secure Attachment Style: Healthy Attachments
Contrary to the insecure attachment style, a secure attachment style is reflected in adults who can set boundaries, understand their motives and emotions, and feel safe and satisfied in their intimate relationships.
They are the people who can make meaningful bonds but are not afraid of being on their own. They openly ask for support, trust in others, and can find healthy ways to manage conflict.
A secure attachment style is what we would all be aiming for once we realize where our errors lie when we form relationships, or rather when we avoid forming bonds or hold on to them incessantly.
