Who is a perfectionist? Is perfectionism a weakness? Can it be cured?

Perfectionism is the likelihood one will set very high standards, often impossible or very difficult to meet. Perfectionists believe that any error would lead to their utter and complete failure, no matter how small. 

They try so hard to be perfect all the time that their days are filled with stress and disappointment in themselves: with such high standards, how could they ever be satisfied with their work?

If this is beginning to feel familiar, stick around to get to know the signs of perfectionism and the gradual process of overcoming this trait. 

How to know you’re a perfectionist?

There is a healthy level of perfectionism that lets you strive for excellence, and then there’s maladaptive perfectionism which drives your fear of failure to the point it becomes a toxic trait. The heightened sense of inadequacy, the unrealistic expectations,  the imposing sense of harsh self-criticism all cumulate to being a perfectionist.

This set of thoughts, actions, and feelings affect every aspect of your life, negatively orienting it towards unhealthy patterns. Such nuanced beliefs can be portrayed as:

• Minimizing accomplishments.
• A paralyzing fear of failure.
• Black-and-white thinking dictates tasks as failures if not done perfectly.
• Having low self-esteem and/or self-efficacy.
• Linking your self-worth to your performance.
• Not being able to take a break.

The Practical Steps of Unbecoming a Perfectionist:

1. Thinking Realistically

A way to overcome perfectionism is by rationalizing your expectations and making them more realistic. There’s no need to justify mistakes you’ve made, everyone messes up from time to time.

You can try and replace unhelpful, perfectionist thoughts that drain your energy with more helpful statements like:

• “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”

• “I’m not a failure.”

• “I’m only human, and I don’t need to be perfect.”

• “It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes.”
• “My productivity doesn’t define me.

Retrospect on the “all or nothing” thinking that comes with perfectionism and understand that it’s just not realistic. 

2. Breakup With Your Inner Critic

You are as capable as other people. Relieve yourself from the burden of harsh self-criticism, and combat the untrue thoughts of being worthless and flawed just because you’re not perfect. 

The negative self-talk your inner critic gives you doesn’t help you feel competent and confident in your work, so try to distance yourself from those thoughts by requisitioning them when they come to mind. 

Are they reliable thoughts? Do they convey reality? 

After distancing yourself from these recurring thoughts, try to think about more compassionate and understanding thoughts. With time, they’ll become your instant reaction after making a small mistake.

3. Learn from Your Mistakes

Making mistakes can be harsh on a perfectionist, but you need to realize they are learning opportunities for you. If getting better is your goal, reaching excellence your objective, then learning is a part of your journey.

There is potential in growing when we make mistakes, embrace this learning opportunity without remunerating on what could have gone differently. Focus on the pliable present, not the unchangeable past.

4. Focus on Your Strengths

You might be trudged towards procrastinating since beginning a task makes your brain automatically think you’ll fail at it. Be dependent on your strengths, anything that can help you finish a project. 

Fix your attention on the outcomes you’re looking for, and reorganize your tasks based on which require more attention to least attention. Remind yourself that your strengths are not dependent on achievements, they don’t need to be earned. 

5. Accept Your Vulnerability

It is imperative for you to accept that being vulnerable is part of being human. 

Your flaws do not define your identity. Your output cannot possibly be all bad, just because it isn’t perfect doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value. 

Similarly, just because you have flaws doesn’t mean you’re valueless. It means you’re wholeheartedly your authentic self, vulnerabilities and all. 

In the end, these steps are here to guide you to lessen your perfectionism, but if it is too hard on your own, it’s okay to ask for help. 

Lowering your unrealistic standards on your own is tough. If you feel like seeking professional help, you can contact me for more helpful resources.