Breakups can affect a person’s mental stability, especially if the relationship was long-term. Why is it hard to move on, and how to cope with your emotions?

Breakup hurts in literal ways. Research has shown that the exact brain areas that feel physical pain are activated when we break up with someone. 

That is because our brain gets addicted to the feeling of love we used to receive, the dopamine and oxytocin hormones that were induced at an uplifting level to make you feel good. Once you pass through a heartbreak, these hormones are replaced with stress hormones.

Holding back your feelings and heartbreaks can be devastating, especially if you are blindsided. However, there are ways to cope with your feelings and move on from them.

Read on to know more.

What’s stopping me from moving on?

Many factors actually can stop you from moving on or can even make you want to stay still and feel nothing, some of them are related to you personally, and others reflected on you from the outside as a huge load of pressure. These include: 

• Believing they were “The One”:

By not giving yourself the space to understand that the person you once loved is no longer suitable for you, for your growth, and your wellbeing. This phase is accompanied by negative thoughts like “I truly loved this person, I think I will never fall in love again.”

• Blaming yourself:

This is another part that stops you from moving on and includes overthinking all that happened and inducing your inner critic. “I did something wrong”, “ They left because of me”.

• Denying what happened:

Where you are not accepting the fact that this relationship is over. You are not accepting that your partner is now taking a different path than yours.

Common reactions after a breakup 

All the negative feelings that you pass through after a breakup are expected; however, their intensity and length may vary from one person to another depending on the relationship. Here’s what you may feel after a breakup:

• Denial: You won’t accept that the relationship is over. 
• Anger: You will ask yourself, why did your partner cause you so much pain?
• Fear: You might think that you won’t find love again.
• Guilt: You’ll start to blame yourself for the breakup. 
• Sadness: You’ll feel sad because you genuinely lost your partner.
• Jealousy: You may begin to feel jealous that your partner may love again.

You can accelerate your grieving process by acknowledging these feelings, expressing them, then accepting them.

How to cope with my breakup?

• Change your routine: Over time, emotions and memories become a part of our routine. It’s better to change that, like for example changing the scheduled time of the morning jog you used to go to daily with your partner; change the smaller habits so that you would feel in control and start a fresh journey without anything reminding you of them. 

• Discuss your feelings: When talking to one of your friends or family members and expressing your feelings, you may be able to understand them better. In this way you get a clear image of what’s really going on inside your head, and you might immediately figure out some solutions that suit you perfectly!

• Explore new interests: Stop dwelling on the past, but rather discover more about yourself and about the things that you love and seek comfort in. Cultivate your hobbies and build new relations with people surrounding you, this will not only make you have fun but also will reestablish a new level of self-awareness and recognition that you owe yourself in the first place!   

• Examine what you learned from the relationship: Write down what you learned after the relationship you passed through. Don’t blame or beat yourself up that they left you, but take it as an opportunity for growth. 

• Prioritize self-care: Don’t neglect yourself, even if it feels hard to take care of. Make sure to sleep well, eat healthy, and exercise as much as possible. Your physical health is as important as your mental health. 

• Be patient: Nothing ever will be fixed and back to normal overnight. Repeat to yourself “I deserve better”, “I got this”, “This will pass”.

Don’t underestimate the power of time, when you give yourself time to heal and recover. Examine your experiences and give yourself the time and patience you deserve.