Survivor’s guilt can include hurtful flashbacks, fear, and helplessness. Let me guide you on how to cope with these feelings.

Survivor’s guilt is the feeling that comes after you experience a life-threatening situation, and survived. 

If you have been through an overwhelming emotional experience alone while others didn’t survive, this will affect you mentally and emotionally, as you feel drained and isolated because you have certainly endured survival guilt. 

Many thoughts might pop up in your mind, thinking about what you have possibly done wrong or what you could have done to make things better; all this without you consciously acknowledging that in reality, you’ve done nothing wrong. 

Here is how you can cope with these feelings.

Understanding survivor’s guilt

Logically, you are not supposed to feel responsible about another person’s fate, but survivor’s guilt is a normal reaction to loss. People who have a history of low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression are more prone to survivor’s guilt. 

A study showed that people who have a history of childhood trauma are more sensitive and emotional towards loss, and this vulnerability can affect their scope of survivor’s guilt.

The symptoms of survivor’s guilt may vary from one individual to another, but could include:

• Insomnia or trouble sleeping 
• Sudden flashbacks
• Numbness or disconnection from reality 
• Low motivation 
• Helpless 
• Anxiety 
• Intense fears
• Headaches, stomachaches, and palpitations
• Depression 

Why does survivor guilt exist?

People may experience guilt after surviving a situation that others did not. Survivors’ guilt is a common reaction to traumatic events, and it can be highly distressing for those who develop it.

You survived

You’re stuck in overwhelming feelings because you have survived a traumatic event while others didn’t. So you start thinking of all the possible scenarios where things could have gone in different ways where you don’t have to endure all this pain and guilt. 

You think you can change the outcome

Maybe when the incident happened you tried to rescue or help the victim but you unfortunately failed. So you blame yourself and you think that the effort you exerted was not enough and you could have done better. 

You feel guilty about what you’ve done

Despite all your care towards others, your survival instinct is way more vital. You may have pushed someone trying to save yourself through your way out of the tragic event, or maybe you have not helped someone on your way out.

When you remember and have flashbacks of this event, you feel ashamed and guilty because now you recognize that you might have helped others as well. 

How to cope with survivor’s guilt

Here are some coping methods if you or someone you know is experiencing survivor’s guilt.

Accept the feelings

Even though survivor’s guilt is not always rational, it is a recognized response to trauma. Accept the feelings that pop up to the surface and take time to process the consequences it has, like guilt, grief, fear, and loss. These usually accompany a traumatic event and leave you prone to them quickly. 

Use mindfulness methods

Mindfulness and self-care are considered the cure for people who have experienced trauma, especially during flashbacks or periods of intense and painful emotions. Grounding methods, such as focusing on the breath, doing something you enjoy, and any related techniques will clear your mind and let you focus on the current moment and the present for a change. 

Exercise self-care

If you’ve survived a traumatic experience, taking care of yourself, both physically and emotionally, is essential for healing. Try distancing yourself from the past and detach from the memories that cause you pain and grief. Do the things that nourish your soul, like enjoying a walk in nature, practicing mindfulness, and even practicing healthy habits. 

Find support 

Seek support from your close people, communicate your feelings and share your experience. You can also seek support from others, such as support groups.  Face-to-face support groups and online communities allow survivors to connect with others, express themselves, and ask questions. 

Guilt has a place in our emotional repertoire, but with survivor guilt, it’s misplaced. Therefore, grieve your losses and embrace your feelings, but remember that it wasn’t your fault, others are glad you’re still here, and that you can use your survival to pay it forward.