The invisible dynamics of parental abuse can leave deep scars on your character development as an adult. How does parental abuse manifest itself, and how to cope with it?

Child abuse is the child’s unfair or improper use or treatment, which undermines the parent-child relationship, creating a vicious trauma loop. Parental abuse can manifest itself in various ways, including physical, sexual, verbal, and, to our extent of focus, emotional abuse. 

Emotionally abusive parents fail to meet their children’s needs for love and support, neglect their child’s needs, leave them alone in dangerous settings, and make them feel worthless or silly. Research shows that 1 out of 7 children suffers from emotional abuse, damaging the child’s physical and emotional well-being. 

Whether parents did that on purpose or for the sole reason of not knowing better at their time, parental abuse will have long-term negative effects regardless.

So how to cope with the casualties of parental abuse?

Signs of abusive parenting

In most cases, parental abuse is because of the parents themselves. It could be due to the parent’s emotional distress, depression, disturbed self-esteem, anger, frustration, narcissism, or sadistic patterns. 

This can manifest itself in diverse ways in which a child can be abused emotionally, most commonly displayed in neglect, verbal abuse, criticism, denial, insensibility, and others. 

Here are signs of an emotionally abusive parent:

1. Parents practice verbal violence as a form of punishment
2. Parents make critical and harmful comments toward the child
3. Rewards are related to the child’s obedience
4. Love is withheld and given under certain conditions
5. The child is forced to do what he doesn’t like
6. The child is being pressured to love their parent
7. Parents are reflecting their anger towards their children
8. Parents are withholding necessities
9. Parents control their child’s behavior

Effects of abusive parenting on the children.

Although such types of abuse may not leave physical scars, it still affects the psychological integrity of the child.

The impact of abuse can differ depending on elements such as the way, the duration, and whether or not the child acquired support. Children who experience parental emotional abuse are at a higher risk of developing many psychological problems.

The following are some of the consequences of being raised by an abusive parent:

• Anger
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Codependency
• Memory deficits
• Eating disorders
• Self-esteem issues
• Cognitive limitations
• Post-traumatic stress
• Emotional repression
• Insecure attachment styles

While you can’t alter your parents’ or instantly transform your relationship, you choose to start disrupting your family’s unhealthy patterns. 

How to cope with parental abuse

1. Stop trying to please them. 

It’s natural to seek acceptance from your parents, but toxic parents are practically impossible to please. But, more importantly, it’s your life, and you have the right to make your own decisions and do what makes you happy. Living your life per the ideals and aims of others will leave you perpetually sad and unsatisfied.

2. Set and enforce boundaries. 

Boundaries assist us in establishing clear expectations and limits for how others may treat us. Boundaries separate you emotionally and physically from your parents. This is certainly something you didn’t have as a child, so setting boundaries and expressing to your parents how you want to be treated might be unsettling. 

3. Take care with what you tell them. 

Trust is an essential component of effective relationships, and we should only disclose personal information to individuals who have demonstrated their trustworthiness. Unfortunately, your parents may not be in this category if they gossip about you, criticize you, expose information about you without your consent, or use what you tell them against you.

4. Always have an exit strategy. 

When things begin to deteriorate, it’s time to leave. Things are likely to deteriorate further. As a result, it is safer to call it quits at the first hint of problems. You are not required to stay just to be courteous or make your parents happy.

5.  Take care of yourself. 

Dealing with toxic parents is stressful, and the stress impacts both your emotional and physical health. Therefore, you must take additional care of yourself. Begin with the fundamentals, such as eating healthily, getting adequate rest and sleep, exercising, interacting with positive people, identifying your feelings, providing a healthy outlet for them, receiving support, and having fun. When you are physically and emotionally at your best, it will be easier to set limits, respond differently, or disconnect.

Treat your inner child gently, as he/she deserves your love!