Amidst the turbulent emotional waves, emotional intelligence is your anchor. Follow this step-by-step guide to nurturing your child’s emotional development.
In the sea of social situations, emotional intelligence is our children’s life jacket that keeps them afloat through the heavy waves of conflicts and distress.
Emotional Intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to understand and manage our emotions and reactions. This skill starts to develop early in childhood and contributes to children’s resiliency and well-being. Like any other skill, EI can be nurtured.
So, take a deep breath, dear reader, and prepare to be introduced to emotional intelligence and to use compassion and care in teaching our children how to navigate the vast sea of emotional frenzy.
Unlock the secrets of emotional intelligence with these five keys!
Emotional Intelligence is made up of 5 key components. Let’s take a moment to understand these components in order to better support our children’s journey in emotional development:
- Self-awareness
Self-awareness is like the compass that guides children navigate the maze of emotions. It is the ability to pinpoint the emotions we are feeling and understand them. This skill also highlights the relationship between one’s own emotions and behaviour, giving a deeper insight into an individual’s limitations, strengths and desires.
Kids start building self-awareness early, recognizing basic emotions like sadness, anger, and happiness. With some time, they’re able to distinguish even more complex emotions, like disappointment and excitement. And as their brains develop, they start to understand the link between actions and emotions, acquiring a better understanding into what situations cause certain reactions.
- Self-regulation.
“Let’s take a breather!”
While understanding your emotions is an essential aspect of emotional intelligence, knowing what to actually do with these emotions is the tricky part. Children experiencing big emotions in their tiny bodies might often feel overwhelmed, acting impulsively in an attempt to diffuse such intensity.
Self-regulation is the skill we use to manage and control our feelings and reactions. However, in children, this skill is a work-in-progress. It develops early with their ability to use simple tricks to pause their impulses, such as reaching out to adults for help. As they grow older, self-regulation becomes more complex, expanding their ability to adhere to certain rules despite their frustration, and delaying gratification for a bigger reward.
- Motivation
We might look back at the days when we struggled to study or work, and we might be saying to ourselves, “I don’t even know what pushed me through that.” This force driving us to perform in a certain way is what we call motivation.
In a child’s world, motivation could be the stickers he’s rewarded or the satisfaction triggered internally. In essence, motivation is an important element for self-growth and well-being, as it is what pushes children to pursue their goals and be resilient. However, intrinsic motivation is specifically what fosters higher emotional intelligence as it helps children to engage in activities that are fulfilling, and nurtures their sense of purpose.
- Empathy
Have you ever been in a room with more than one baby, and the moment one of them cries, it’s a symphony of wails? While it’s an auditory nightmare for many, recognizing other babies’ cries and responding to it is an early sign of empathy in children.
Empathy is the ability to recognize and understand other people’s emotions. It also involves responding to these reactions with care and compassion. As your children grow up, their empathetic skills are honed through socialization and their ability to understand different perspectives
- Social Skills
In playgrounds, classrooms or family gatherings, kids are always thrust into situations that require them to engage in social interactions. These interactions allow them to develop sets of skills that help them navigate their relationships and challenges. Children with good social skills are children who are able to engage in communication and cooperation such as sharing, taking turns, expressing needs and respecting others.
Let’s try it out!
Phew! That was a lot, wasn’t it? But understanding emotional intelligence is just as important as knowing how to encourage it. This is because, just like in academia, kids have strengths and weaknesses. Knowing the different dimensions of emotional intelligence helps us understand what to focus on.
As I mentioned, emotional intelligence is a continuous process in child development. It exists in everyday scenarios and situations. Of course, I can start listing several strategies as a general guide. But, I’ll do you one better.
Knowing that everyday situations may catch us off-guard, let’s practice emotional intelligence together.
Scenario: Let’s imagine that your kid is having a playdate with a friend. And then, CRASH! Oh no, your kid’s friend accidentally broke his favorite toy. What do we do?
- Label The Emotions
The first step in dealing with emotional situations is identifying the emotion being experienced. You can help children with this by either prompting them to label their own emotions, such as “How do you feel right now?” or by naming the emotion for them, “You seem upset. Are you upset?”
- Validate Feelings
Using validation, by simply saying, “I understand that it’s frustrating to have your toy broken. It can be frustrating when the things we love get broken,” you’re able to teach children that these big emotions are normal and acknowledged.
- Teaching Coping Skills
When overwhelmed, kids may act impulsively. Use this opportunity to teach them some tools to regulate their emotions. “When we’re angry, let’s try to count till 10 and breathe. This could help us feel better.”
- Promote Perspective-Taking
To help children understand other people’s emotions, we can prompt them into thinking about the other person, and highlight that mistakes happen. “Your friend seems sad and apologized to you. They probably didn’t mean to do this and are feeling bad, too.”
- Encourage Problem-Solving
After calming down a little bit, we can encourage children to think of the next step. “I know you’re angry right now. Let’s think of what we can do to make this better. Would you like to try fixing the toy? Or would you like to play with something else?”
- Model Positive Behavior
Frustrating situations and tense moments could be overwhelming for adults as well. But remember! Modeling calmness and self-regulation is essential. By remaining calm and assertive, children will try to imitate us and learn.
- Celebrate!
A broken toy would look silly for us, but for these children, it is a major loss and an intense situation. By saying “I’m proud of you! You were angry, but tried to feel better and fix the problem!” will go a long way in reinforcing these good emotional intelligence strategies for future situations. But don’t forget to take a brief moment to pat yourself on the back for the great work and the patience you have!
Don’t worry too much, emotions are in our nature.
You might have reached the end of this blog and felt overwhelmed by the pressure to give your children the best that they deserve. As caregivers, we might place a lot of pressure on ourselves to guide our children through their journey in success. However, I would like to present to you this quote as a few parting words:
“All the small exchanges children have with their parents, teachers, and with each other carry emotional messages.” – Daniel Goleman
The author of Emotional Intelligence is highlighting the inherent emotions and feelings present in our children’s day-to-day lives. He is showing us that there’s no need for grand gestures or strategies to teach our kids their emotions. Sometimes, it’s enough for us to simply share compassion and guide them gently as they take their time discovering the emotional messages of the world.