So what if I still can’t parallel park? Learn how to navigate perfectionism through these simple strategies.
Ever been too anxious to start a challenging project? Do you find yourself constantly checking in on others’ work, convinced it won’t be good enough unless you do it yourself? Have you been feeling utterly exhausted, mentally and emotionally?
Uh oh! It’s the Perfectionist Patrol, and if you’ve been lately relating to any of the above questions, it seems like they’re coming after you!
Welcome to today’s blog! Buckle up, because we’re diving into the different faces of perfectionism and facing a daunting challenge: proudly confessing our weekly failures.
Stop! You’re Under Arrest for Being Too Perfect!
Perfectionism is the tendency to set extremely high standards for oneself, expecting flawless results and performance. It is usually associated with fear of failure and a harsh inner critic.
In an attempt to define perfectionism as a measurable construct, Hewitt and Flett devised a scale called “The Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale.” They discovered three key dimensions:
- Self-Oriented Perfectionism:
This dimension focuses on the unrealistic expectations and harsh self-criticism individuals with perfectionism direct towards themselves. It highlights the negative self-talk and fear of failure that is often associated with perfectionism.
- Other-Oriented Perfectionism:
Perfectionists often have unrealistic expectations and demands that they place on others. They may also become critical or frustrated when others don’t meet those expectations. This is often manifested in impatience with mistakes or difficulty delegating tasks.
- Socially Prescribed Perfectionism:
Perfectionism can also be expressed as the belief that others expect perfection from you. Individuals with high socially prescribed perfectionism often feel pressured by external forces to be perfect, leading to anxiety and stress.
Wait, did we just fall into a boring, scientific lecture? Don’t worry, the fun stuff is about to begin. However, the scale’s significance is in its ability to show us the different ways perfectionism can be expressed, allowing us to gain insight into the warning signs we need to look out for.
Confession Time!
While we struggle with the apprehension of challenging our perfectionist tendencies, embracing our mistakes and flaws remains our desired milestone. In this blog, I urge you to do just that. While we use this confession time to gloss over some of our weekly imperfections, let’s learn more about the strategies we can do to flawlessly own up to our missteps.
- Set Attainable Goals
Confession: This week, I tried parallel parking and accidentally ended up performing a three-point turn in the middle of the street… Sorry, traffic-haters!
Telling a perfectionist to set attainable goals may sound the same as telling a sad person to “just be happy!” Let me tell you, though, the trick is in the how.
People experiencing perfectionism may set unhealthy and/or unachievable standards for themselves. As a result, feelings of frustration, disappointment and burnout may start to arise, leading to other behavioral struggles such as procrastination. By setting realistic goals, one is able to pull those standards from the clouds, creating specific expectations that may create a sense of accomplishment. One way to do that is by using the SMART model to plan out your goals. This means that your goals should be:
Specific: Instead of getting stuck in unrealistic standards such as “getting healthy,” one should define and specify their desired goals. For example, one can plan to “walk 30 minutes a day.”
Measurable: Set a goal that allows you to track your progress! A measurable goal is one that helps you quantify what you’ve accomplished using numbers and other quantifiable measures.
Attainable: Here’s the tricky part! An attainable goal is one that takes into consideration your limitations and resources. Be honest about what you can and cannot do within the context of your circumstances.
Relevant: Perfectionists tend to aim for the stars– and then get lost in their countless numbers. Your goal should always align with your overall aspirations. Ask yourself: Do you really need to be doing this specific task?
Time-bound: As we’ve established that perfectionism fosters procrastination, we can limit this negative consequence by setting a deadline for ourselves.
- Practice Self-Compassion
Confession: I may have spilled my coffee all over myself one too many times!
While perfectionism may be a quiet battle, the involved antagonist is anything but silent. Perfectionism thrives on the inner critic, one that belittles and is harsh with its judgment. Once we’re plagued with negative self-talk, it can become difficult to nurture our self-esteem and self-acceptance. Moreover, one of the defining features of maladaptive perfectionism is the self-critical attitude that is triggered upon the inability to reach unrealistically high standards. Thus, one’s self-worth becomes associated with perceived underperformance.
Combating this takes deliberate effort to foster positivity and self-forgiveness. Through self-compassion, one’s perception shifts from internal self-blame towards acceptance and resiliency. Self-compassion builds the foundation for a deeper sense of self-worth that becomes tied to our inherent value as human beings, not contingent on external validation or achieving perfection. This shift empowers individuals to navigate challenges with greater emotional agility, leading to increased well-being, motivation, and ultimately, peak performance.
- Reframe Your Thoughts
Confession: Once, I put on a shirt inside out and didn’t realize it until someone pointed it out. Okay, maybe it wasn’t just once, so what?
We sometimes find ourselves submerged in our maladaptive patterns and thoughts. People struggling with perfectionism can be the same, often not recognizing the impact of their inner critic until it’s too late.
Acknowledging our perfectionist tendencies marks the first milestone towards change. This is because it allows us to pinpoint the thoughts and biases that need to be reframed. Particularly, instead of focusing on our imperfections, we can make conscious decisions to celebrate our efforts, allowing the progress to resonate louder than the results. As such, mistakes become lessons, and challenges become learning experiences. So, try something new and expose yourself! Pick out a new experience and delve into it with the intention of purely enjoying the ride.
- Reach Out
Confession: I still cringe a little once I remember all the awkward things I said during that meeting. Midnight reminiscing, am I right?
The world of a perfectionist can sometimes feel like a lonely one, where no one can truly fathom the apprehension and anxieties stemming from unsatisfactory performance or results. It doesn’t help that perfectionism, in its essence, means that satisfaction is a rarity. Thus, feelings of entrapments and helplessness can overwhelm us, pushing us towards serious consequences, such as suicidal ideations, depression, anxiety and other mental health issues.
Dear Readers, you are not alone. Reaching out for help, whether from a friend or a professional, can allow you to seek encouragement, normalize your mistakes and extend you with the resiliency you need in your journey towards healing. Therapy can particularly help you with the deeper roots that may be nurturing your perfectionist tendencies, providing you with a safe space to grow and explore your inner conflicts.
You’re Finally Free To Go.
Perfectionism might hold you back, but it doesn’t have to control you. With effort and dedication, you can break free from its grip and embrace the journey of progress over perfection. Remember, mistakes are inevitable, and I even shamelessly shared some of my own. So, share with us! What’s your confession of the week?