Silence your inner critic. Explore the factors behind negative self-talk and discover simple strategies to elevate your self-esteem.
Here’s an exercise, one that requires courage and honesty, allowing you to lay your cards open and confront your emotions and thoughts head-on. If you can be completely honest: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like and value yourself?
If a replica of the person you are now is standing in front of you– same face, smile, body language. What emotions would you have towards them? Compassion? Respect? Perhaps anger or shame?
Self-esteem– a seemingly modest term, yet imbued with profound significance and consequence. It serves as the cornerstone of our self-perception and intrinsic value. It encompasses our confidence, self-compassion and self-respect.
Join us in this blog as we delve into the intricate layers of self-esteem. Explore the different factors influencing it, and uncover effective strategies for its enhancement.
A Simple Word For A Complex Construct
In the realm of self-perception, we often grapple with negative views of ourselves, armed with a list of justifications to bolster our self-criticism. Whether it’s our perceived failures, lack of a perfect job, or our perceived inadequacies in wealth or attractiveness, we attempt to logically defend our self-doubt. However, upon closer examination, we realize that self-esteem is impervious to markers of wealth or beauty.
Consider this paradox: despite life’s inevitable setbacks and imperfections, there are individuals whose sense of self-worth remains resilient, challenging life with a firm belief in their inherent value and strengths.
This leads us to the question: What factors contribute to the formation of self-esteem? Exploring the complexity of self-perception, we encounter a range of influences—some internal, others external, and others rooted in the developmental journey of our lives.
Internal Factors
- Genetics: Everyone is born with a unique genetic blueprint, a composition that predisposes them to an array of risk and protective factors influencing their overall well-being, including their self-esteem. For example, our genetic disposition can affect our susceptibility to depression or anxiety, indirectly affecting our self-esteem. However, don’t fret just yet. Our genetic predispositions are not deterministic mandates dictating our future. Rather, they interact dynamically with environmental influences, shaping and reshaping their expression over time.
- Personality Factors: Personality traits and temperaments may affect our resilience and our vulnerability to negative experiences. For example, people who are high in neuroticism tend to experience greater levels of negative emotions such as anxiety or insecurity. Without healthy coping mechanisms, these emotions can cultivate self-doubt and self-criticism which lowers one’s self-esteem.
External Factors
- Social Relationships: Research supports that, in a reciprocal manner, self-esteem and social relationships feed into each other. When one is surrounded with social acceptance, empowering friendships and a good support system, his confidence and self-esteem is boosted, which, in return, fosters healthy and positive social dynamics.
- Social Media: Did you know that blonde individuals are more successful than those with brown hair? Did you know that I just made that completely up? Though patently false, many individuals would actually think about their hair color. Social media works similarly with its relentless stream of curated content and carefully crafted algorithms. By fostering an environment for social comparison, external validation becomes a constant undercurrent, replacing our internal self-worth and decreasing our self-esteem through fostering feelings of inadequacy.
Developmental Factors
- Parenting Styles: Now, we definitely shouldn’t blame everything on our parents- and, bear in mind, this is not an attempt to do so. However, there is research and hypotheses that link attachment styles with our self-esteem. Those born in dysfunctional families, where their voices go unheard, needs unmet and opinions constantly challenged with shame and criticism, may develop a harsh inner critic, invalidating their self-worth and undermining their ability to cultivate self-love. These individuals may struggle with feeling perpetually inadequate and with perceived shortcomings.
- Childhood Experiences: As any individual, childhood experiences are not limited to parental interactions. Children exposed to bullying, discrimination or social ostracization may also develop a negative image of themselves as they grapple with feelings of loneliness and non-acceptance.
Reclaim Your Power
With all the factors at play either supporting or undermining our self-esteem, what control do we truly have over its trajectory? In reality, self-esteem is not a static concept; it is constantly dynamic and evolving. Moreover, we do possess agency in cultivating it through active engagement in processes such as self-reflection, the development of positive habits, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
- Celebrate Small Wins
One aspect of grappling with self-esteem involves the constant comparison of oneself to others. This tendency often leads to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, as we measure our own worth against the perceived successes of those around us. Shifting this attention towards one’s own achievements requires deliberate and conscious effort of appreciation and self-love. By simply celebrating every win, even the small ones, one can reflect on these successes as evidence of their own growth and strength.
- Challenge Negative Self-Talk
When spending years embracing negative self-talk, this inner voice becomes the persistent narrative, unmoving and resistant to change, shaping our perceptions and responses to life’s circumstances. However, with commitment and deliberate action, it is possible to reframe this dialogue, fostering a more positive and empowering inner narrative. By identifying one’s cognitive distortions, such as catastrophizing and personalization, one can start to challenge them through strategies such as questioning and gathering evidence.
- Practice Gratitude and Journaling
Consider the mind as a container awaiting its contents. Although it may seem daunting to expel negative thoughts and perspectives, purposefully redirecting your attention towards cultivating positivity within this mental vessel may facilitate the gradual displacement of negativity. Engaging in journaling or other gratitude practices offers a means to temper feelings of insecurity and self-consciousness while bolstering elevated levels of self-esteem. Rather than fixating on the myriad factors that could potentially erode self-love, one can focus on gathering new evidence of personal resilience and power.
- Engage in Self-Care and Hobbies
While it’s true that the core of one’s self-esteem is not centered around wealth or external attributes, having low self-esteem may create a foundation for unhealthy boundaries and lifestyle. The distress stemming from such behavior would create a feedback loop of reinforcing negative views about oneself. Since it’s often difficult to start by changing our thoughts, we can start by changing what we can control– our behavior. By engaging in self-care activities and pursuing hobbies, one can increase their perceived competency. This notion, called self-efficacy, is an essential component of self-esteem as it increases the value and trust we have on our skills and abilities.
- Seek Social Support and Build Positive Relationships
As mentioned previously, positive social relationships bolster higher levels of self-esteem, and the relationship is reciprocal. Building positive relationships is sometimes challenging, but it begins with fostering and communicating one’s boundaries, needs and genuine care. Through reciprocal sharing of vulnerabilities, compassion and support, individuals can develop relationships founded on trust and empathy. This creates a space for encouragement, active listening, and constructive criticism, allowing allies to contribute to your journey of enhancing self-esteem.
You Are Somebody
As we conclude our journey, I’ll ask again, what would you rate your self-esteem on a scale of 1 to 10? Your answer probably did not change. This is because while our journey for this blog has reached its end, your journey towards better self-esteem is only just beginning. Knowing your worth is essential for a healthy well-being, and cultivating it requires deliberation, commitment and resilience.
“Accept who you are; and revel in it.”
– Mitch Albom