The majority of the time, when we experience shame, we attempt to cover it up, thinking that we are essentially flawed. Why do we feel this emotion, how to understand it and how to cope with it?
Shame focuses on your basic identity as a person, and when it starts to negatively affect your sense of self, it becomes especially toxic. This emotion invites resentment, self-disgust, and other unfavorable feelings. You could feel unimportant and small as a result of it, and it can creep into your thoughts like poison, trapping you in a torturous cycle of negative self-talk.
The impulse to run from or escape shame can result in potentially dangerous behaviors like self-harm when it persists without being addressed or tackled. It can occasionally manifest as rage, impatience, defensiveness, tardiness, or depression.
Asking why will allow you to go further into these feelings. Why do you become irate when someone gives us advice or points out a fault we made? Why do you become hostile when certain subjects are brought up? Why do we cover up some facts about us that are is some cases normal?
Read on to know more.
Why do we feel shame exactly?
Shame usually surfaces when you take a critical look inward and judge yourself severely, frequently for things you have little control over. Your unfavorable self-perception is frequently the result of messages you have heard from others, particularly when you were younger. The seed of shame was established when your parents or professors reprimanded you, not any bad decisions you may have made in terms of behavior.
Signs and symptoms of shame
- Anxiety while doing certain acts, or any act
- Failing to meet your high standards
- Feeling that your shortcomings or weakness may be exposed
- Expectations that aren’t met or go wrong
- A connection that is deteriorating or being rejected by others
People may feel ashamed of their appearance, their words or actions, or certain defects or insecurities, as well as current events, and memories or fantasies of past instances in which these weaknesses or anxieties were exposed.
Because shame is among the most challenging and unpleasant feelings a person can go through, it frequently hides behind other emotions and coping techniques. It may be challenging to recognize shame when it is concealed by other emotions, such as fear, rage, or jealousy.
How to cope with shame?
There is no one solution that works for everyone, but there are actions you can do to start managing your shame.
- Embrace compassion
Compassion is the ability to love yourself and to accept love and kindness from others. The more often we do this, the more likely we will be able to overcome the humiliation. Self-love is a process that takes time to develop. You can reclaim your self-worth by discovering your positive attributes.
Think about writing down your positive traits as if you were describing them to a friend in a journal or on a piece of paper next to your computer. When you see a bad idea coming on, you might find it beneficial to read them.
- Recognize your thoughts
Recognizing shame is the first step in dealing with and recovering from it. If we want this, we must accept it and experience our emotions. We must approach this without passing judgment. It’s okay that there be shame; it’s necessary to complete the process.
- Manage your emotions
You must discuss and process your shame in order to be free of it, while regulating the unpleasant feelings that appear when you decide to reveal and express its existence. Because your body and mind attempt to keep you safe by constantly reminding you of all the potential dangers, it may be difficult at first. You may tend to dwell on the past and make excuses for bad decisions, worry about the future, isolate yourself, or vent your emotions on others by getting angry and blaming them, which are all negative patterns!
I trust you can get rid of them as you acknowledge their existence, embrace them, and free them of the negative patterns.
It could take considerable reflection to recognize that some enduringly complicated feelings are caused by shame. Don’t pressure yourself throughout the process; stay patient as you get there!
