Bridge the emotional gap between you and your loved ones by nurturing empathy and perspective-taking.
Ever wondered why we might watch a gut-wrenching movie scene with zero emotions and a poker face? On the other hand, we’ll watch something else, maybe a dog died or two lovers separate, and we dive head-first into a crying fest. Spoiler alert! It’s not always bad acting, it’s empathy! Good story-telling is one that is able to instigate our empathetic feelings, forcing us into the main character’s world and perspective.
Empathy can also be applied in real-life situations. Not only that, but it is also associated with a number of positive outcomes, such as increased prosocial behavior and well-being.
In this blog, we will explore the meaning of empathy, delving into the different ways we can accentuate it in our day-to-day interactions for fuller and deeper connections with others.
Am I an empath?
With the surge of psychology awareness on social media, “empath” became a prominent word that everyone took pride in identifying with. It would generally be used when individuals are highly sensitive and responsive to other’s emotions.
Actually, this definition isn’t too far off, albeit a bit exaggerated. Empathy, in academic psychology, refers to one’s ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. In the words of Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic psychology, “To be with another in this way means that for the time being you lay aside the views and values you hold for yourself in order to enter another’s world without prejudice”.
Wait, then how powerful is empathy? Evolutionary scientists theorize that empathy is necessary for our human survival. Responding to other people’s pain can ensure our compassionate and supporting response, decreasing mutual distress. It’s so important, it’s been proven to have neurological disposition in our brains.
Then, if it’s so evolutionary, is it inherent in us– some more than others? Well, that’s not really accurate! Empathy, like all skills, has been proven to be teachable. You can actually learn how to develop empathy and foster it for more compassionate relationships.
So, let’s recap!
- Empathy is not feeling bad for someone. It is the ability to feel bad with them.
- Empathy is not an innate, fixed ability. It actually involves active emotional and cognitive processes that can be fostered through learning and practice.
- Empathy is not agreeing with someone or enabling their behavior. It is recognizing and acknowledging someone’s emotions from their perspective.
The Two Faces of Empathy
To better foster empathy, one must try to understand its different dimensions. Despite ongoing debate in research about universally accepted dimensions for empathy, evidence suggests a clinical and neurological distinction between two types of empathy: cognitive and affective.
- Cognitive Empathy: The Brains
Cognitive empathy is the analytical side of empathy. You use your reasoning skills to understand the situation and emotions someone else is experiencing, like figuring out why they’re upset based on their situation and body language. This allows you to see things from their perspective and respond thoughtfully.
- Affective Empathy: The Heart
Affective empathy is the more instinctive side of empathy, where you directly share the emotions of others, like feeling their joy or sorrow as if it were your own. This immediate emotional connection fosters a deeper relationship with the person you’re empathizing with.
An Empath Reborn!
As mentioned before, empathy is a crucial skill to nurture healthy interpersonal and intrapersonal dynamics. The good news is that this skill can be learned! Let’s take a quick look at what strategies help us tap into our empathetic powers:
- Practice Active Listening
If it isn’t the pillar of empathy! Active listening goes beyond hearing the words expressed by the other party. It is a communication skill that allows you to attune to someone’s mental and emotional state, developing an understanding of their verbal and non-verbal cues. Instead of thinking about the right response, your focus will solely be on being along the same wavelength as the other person.
Active listening is crucial for empathy as it allows you to leave your own head and jump into the other person’s thoughts through asking questions, summarizing and probing about their emotions.
- Don’t Be Afraid of Vulnerability
So, when a kid cries, all we need to do is pull a silly face to make him laugh and hope no one’s there to take a picture. Simple. What if that kid grows up to be an adult ? I guess silly faces just won’t do, right? Vulnerability can sometimes be an uncomfortable experience. It can be raw and painful, but, most of the time, it can also be rewarding. What hinders empathy is our inability to acknowledge the emotions someone is experiencing. And here is where I give you my genius idea. Are you ready?
Sit through the discomfort.
See, I told you it was genius.
While it may sound easy and simple, this skill is often more difficult than we think. Us humans have a tendency to be solution-oriented which means that we often directly jump to problem-solving in an effort to reduce other people’s distress. However, this often backfires since emotions are difficult to just sweep by unacknowledged. Thus, empathy plays a role in not allowing other people to experience their distress on their own.
- Be Genuine
You can memorize all the phrases you need to know. Phrases such as Oh, it must have been difficult! or I can’t imagine your pain. Let me share with you a little secret, though. These phrases are empty if genuinity is lacking. Unfortunately, we might find ourselves unable to empathize in certain situations. That’s okay! Empathy has its limits. However, it cannot- and should not- be faked.
When you find your feelings stuck and unreachable, use this opportunity to practice curiosity, humility and open-mindedness. After all, cognitive empathy is still a form of empathy!
Feelings Are Never Lost
Empathy is an emotional bridge that connects people, transcending into genuine and compassionate relationships. It allows us to not only understand others, but to also create positive, lasting impacts. As Maya Angelou said,
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”