And let there be no purpose in friendship
save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is
not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
– Gibran Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
It’s always endearing when literary musings express the transcending nature of romantic love. It’s the popular narrative of two people’s souls, lives and feelings intimately intertwined in ways impossible to unravel.
Modern-day art readily yields in the face of such romance. Movies, books and even music are a testament to the significance our culture places on love. Yet, many of us, whether single or not, have never felt so alone, disconnected and craving loneliness.
Let’s pause here and consider. What if, perhaps, what we have been missing is not just a partner, but a companion, a sidekick, a witness to our lives?
Like Shakespeare and Marlowe or Gibran and May Ziadé, we yearn for a connection that is pure of desire, but grounded in authenticity, comfort, familiarity and solidarity.
Friendships.
A term seemingly juvenile, but profound in its effect on the trajectory of our well-being and sense of belonging.
And for many, this doesn’t come easy. Yes, sometimes, it’s difficult to resonate with others. Sometimes, we find safety in someone, but then, the ties stretch, thin out, until there’s nothing but distance.
And how do we describe this distant love that echoes silently in the memories we still hold dear? When a friendship progressively fades away with a quiet goodbye that never really came.
Fast friendships are becoming more common than ever. The sudden endings of these meaningful connections can leave emotional confusion in their wake. And over time, those accumulated goodbyes give space to guardedness, mistrust and even loneliness.
When Friendship Burns Bright and Fast
In fact, platonic and romantic love aren’t really that different. Of course, you won’t take out your friend on a sunset date. But, research suggests that the early phases of a new friendship activate the brain’s reward system in similar ways to romantic relationships. There’s excitement, vulnerability and a rush of emotional validation when someone “gets” you right away. Other studies suggest that friendships compete with romantic relationships as a predictor of life satisfaction in adulthood.
And today’s world is fast. It only feels essential to jump full speed into a friendship. When you’re new to a city or phase of life, you might seek these connections quickly, craving reinforcement and community. This rapid closeness often forms through shared identity markers, similar values or emotional openness.
In those moments, friendships become a space of voluntary connection. Unlike family ties, they are chosen. And unlike romantic relationships, they aren’t driven by romantic ideals. Instead, they thrive on shared moments and emotional trust.
But intensity doesn’t always mean stability. Many of these friendships are built during transitional phases like university semesters, temporary jobs or volunteer programs. Without long-term anchors or shared context beyond the moment, they’re vulnerable to fading once circumstances change. It can even feel like a small betrayal. Not because anyone did anything wrong, but because our expectations had exceeded what reality had in store for us.
The Ache of Unexplained Endings
The peculiarity of friendships is sometimes in their chaos. Because it’s difficult to understand how such strong bonds can end without even a closure. You’ll find out that this is the case for most cases.
One day you’re inseparable; the next, it’s polite replies, delayed texts, or a slow disappearance. And because these friendships often felt so real and validating their quiet dissolution can sting in ways we don’t expect.
You’re hurting, but there’s no social script for how to express it. No breakup playlist. No advice column. Just a sense that something meaningful ended, and you’re not quite sure what to do with the ache. When grief has no space in our social circles, when it goes unacknowledged or even dismissed, we call it “disenfranchised grief”.
Guarded Hearts
Experiencing too many of these intense, yet ephemeral friendships can slowly reshape the way we approach new relationships. After several sudden goodbyes, some people begin to withhold emotional vulnerability, fearing they’ll be left again.
You might still make friends, but only reveal curated versions of yourself. You might lean into surface-level chats, while quietly wondering how long the connection will last. This guardedness can protect you from hurt, but it also limits the depth and authenticity that true friendship requires.
Over time, this emotional self-protection can feed loneliness. Because it was never about quantity. It was about the ability to feel seen, safe and accepted without the fear of sudden detachment.
Finding The Peace
Self-compassion and intentional reflection become the cornerstone to navigate healing through emotional confusion and the intensity of rapid friendships. Here are some gentle steps you can follow to give yourself space for emotional processing:
1. Acknowledge that it mattered. The duration of a friendship does not strip it from its value. Those who were significant to you, were so for a reason. Despite the transience of this connection, give yourself permission to grieve it, without shame or minimization.
2. Reflect without blame. Sometimes friendships fade due to changing circumstances, emotional misalignment or unspoken expectations. Rather than assigning fault, reflect on what the relationship offered you in that season of life.
3. Let the connection have its time. In the graceful words of Cheryl Strayed, “Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.” Sometimes, the connection retains its authenticity, but circumstances force us to part ways. Acceptance doesn’t mean the bond wasn’t real. It simply means it had its season.
4. Stay open to future connections. The perpetuating cycle of guardedness is that it is isolation under the guise of self-protection. And, really, who has ever felt safe in loneliness and disconnection. Here I offer you this: Give yourself the grace to try again. Deep friendships are often born from repeated, brave efforts to connect.
5. Seek Mental Health Professionals. Therapists can help you name and navigate the grief that comes with lost or fractured friendships. They offer a space to process patterns, expectations and emotional pain that may otherwise remain unspoken. By reframing friendship as a dynamic, living experience, you can begin to appreciate connections for what they offer, rather than fearing what they may one day take away.
And If You’re Left Holding The Silence…
You are not “too much” for caring. You are not naive for getting attached. You are human.
And while every goodbye may leave a small scar, it’s also proof of your capacity to connect, to care and to try again. Because even in a world of fleeting friendships, genuine connection remains one of the most healing forces we have.