Whether you’ve recently tied the knot or are planning to do so, read on to discover the secrets to maintaining a healthy and robust relationship that flourishes through all the seasons of life.

Congratulations on getting married! I understand that starting a marriage can be both exciting and scary. How? Let me share a relatable example to get us started.

Imagine you and your partner have been dating for a while. You’ve been through good and bad times together and have decided to take the big step of getting married. The wedding day is beautiful, full of joy and love from your family and friends. After the celebration, you both return home as a married couple, ready to start your life together.

But as the days pass, you start to face real-life challenges. You have to pay bills, share household chores, and adjust to each other’s habits. The initial excitement of being newlyweds begins to fade, and you wonder how to keep the love and happiness alive. I’m not being negative here or anticipating any bad luck for you both. In fact, the aim of this blog is to help you start your marriage life in a healthy way and sustain a strong relationship with your partner. Before we dive into these pre and post-marriage tips, let’s understand what marriage is and why people want to get married. 

What is marriage? 

Marriage is an integral part of our culture. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), marriage is “the social institution in which two (or, less frequently, more) people commit themselves to a socially sanctioned relationship in which sexual intercourse is legitimated, and there is legally recognized responsibility for any offspring as well as for each other.”

Why do people choose to marry?

Marriage is a big decision, and people have all sorts of reasons for taking the plunge, like wanting to feel like a princess or prince for a day. Some other common reasons include:

• Love serves as a fundamental driving force behind many people’s decision to marry. When they experience a profound connection with someone, they long to spend their entire lives committed to that special person.

• Additionally, companionship and security play a significant role in the decision to marry. When two individuals enter into marriage, they form a supportive team that navigates life’s challenges together, offering emotional and financial stability. Marriage provides a sense of belonging and steadfastness.

• For many, the desire to have children and create a stable environment for their upbringing serves as a compelling reason to embrace marriage. The institution offers a solid foundation for raising a family.

• In some cultural contexts, marriage is deeply ingrained as a societal norm, signifying maturity and social acceptance. As a result, some individuals may choose to marry even if they aren’t deeply in love with their partner.

• Moreover, for certain individuals, marriage holds immense religious significance, serving as a sacred ceremony that aligns with their spiritual beliefs and convictions.

Before Marriage

Irrespective of the motivations that led you to decide on marriage, it is essential to engage in a serious conversation with your partner before taking the leap. Prior to walking down the aisle, these conversations will serve as the bedrock for maintaining an open line of communication throughout your married life. They enable you and your partner to discuss your individual needs, desires, and aspirations for your marriage as a whole. By having these discussions beforehand, you can better understand each other and build a stronger and more fulfilling marital bond.

1. Discuss Family Boundaries

Before tying the knot, it’s crucial for couples to establish healthy boundaries with their families of origin. These boundaries will define the extent of involvement and influence each partner’s family has on their married life. Openly discussing and setting these limits will prevent potential conflicts and ensure that the couple’s decisions are based on their mutual understanding and needs rather than external pressures.

2. Discussing Family Planning

One of the most significant decisions a couple can make is whether or not to have children. Before marriage, it is vital for partners to have an open and honest conversation about their desires and expectations regarding starting a family. This discussion encompasses various aspects, such as the number of children they want, the timing of having kids, and the roles each partner envisions in parenting.

3. Discuss Each Other’s Expectations Openly

In a marriage, it is essential to have open and honest conversations about the expectations you have for each other. It’s easy to fall into the trap of expecting your partner to fulfill all your emotional, practical, sexual, and social needs. However, it’s important to recognize that no one person can realistically meet every need of their partner. Instead, building a strong support system and community outside of your marriage is crucial for long-term relationship success. Here are some tips to help you achieve that:

• Identify Individual Needs: During the talk, identify your individual emotional, practical, and social needs. Understand what support and connections are essential to you and your partner.
• Encourage Personal Interests: Support each other’s personal hobbies and interests. Encouraging your partner to pursue activities they enjoy can lead to a happier and more fulfilled partnership.
• Build a Supportive Network: Make an effort to reach out to friends and family, engaging in social gatherings and group activities. Building a supportive network outside your marriage can provide additional emotional and social support.
• Plan Regular “Me Time”: Acknowledge the importance of self-care. Both partners should have designated “me time” to unwind and recharge individually without feeling guilty about not spending every moment together.

4. Discuss Religious and Spiritual Beliefs and Practices

Your faith and spirituality can play a significant role in shaping your values, worldview, and daily life. Understanding and respecting each other’s beliefs can be crucial in building a strong and harmonious relationship. If you come from different religious backgrounds, finding common ground and celebrating the richness of your diverse traditions can be a beautiful way to unite your families and create a unique and inclusive bond. You may decide to celebrate holidays from both faiths, attend each other’s religious ceremonies, or establish new traditions that blend your beliefs. Even if you share similar religious or spiritual beliefs, these discussions are valuable in understanding the depth of your commitment to your faith and how you intend to nurture your spiritual journey together.

Now that you’ve completed the wedding phase exchanged vows, and enjoyed your honeymoon, your journey as a married couple begins. Wondering how to maintain a healthy, strong, and long-term marriage? Keep reading to find out more.

After Marriage

Below, you’ll find six valuable approaches to fostering and sustaining a fulfilling and satisfying relationship. By implementing these strategies, you can strengthen your bond with your partner, enrich your connection, and nurture a lasting love that withstands the tests of time.

1. Prioritize Friendship in Your Marriage. 

Treat your spouse as your best friend and cultivate a bond based on trust, understanding, and emotional connection. Being friends with your partner means enjoying each other’s company, sharing laughter, and supporting each other through life’s ups and downs. For example, Laughter is a powerful tool in building friendships, and it’s no different in marriage. Enjoy each other’s sense of humor, share jokes, and find opportunities to laugh together. It brings lightness and joy to your relationship. Remember, being friends with your partner doesn’t mean you won’t face challenges. However, a strong friendship will act as a foundation for navigating through difficulties and finding greater joy and fulfillment in your married life.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche.

2. Build a Foundation on Shared Values.

While shared interests can create enjoyable moments in a relationship, it is the alignment of shared values that forms the backbone of a strong and enduring partnership. Values represent your core beliefs, principles, and priorities in life. When you and your partner share common values, it creates a sense of harmony and mutual understanding that can withstand the challenges that life throws your way. Understand that not all your values will be the same, and that’s okay. Respect and appreciate each other’s individual values, even if they differ from your own. When facing tough decisions or challenges, let your shared values be your guide. They can provide clarity and help you navigate through difficult times.

3. Embrace Your Partner’s Passions with Openness. 

A vibrant and fulfilling marriage involves a willingness to explore new experiences and engage in your partner’s passions. Trying out activities your partner enjoys not only allows you to share in their interests but also strengthens your connection as you learn more about each other. Openness to new experiences fosters a sense of adventure and growth within your relationship, creating lasting memories together. For example, when your partner expresses excitement about something they love, shows genuine interest, and asks questions to understand their passion better. Also, offer to introduce your partner to activities that you are passionate about. This creates a balanced exchange of interests and encourages mutual exploration.

4. Foster Intimate Communication about Sex. 

Sexual intimacy is an essential aspect of any romantic relationship, and having open and honest conversations about it with your partner is crucial for a fulfilling and satisfying marriage. Talking about your desires, boundaries, and preferences regarding physical intimacy helps build trust, respect, and emotional connection in your relationship. It allows you both to understand each other’s needs and ensures that both partners feel comfortable and valued in the intimacy shared. Choose a comfortable and private environment where both you and your partner feel safe and free to express yourselves without judgment. If you encounter challenges in your sexual intimacy or face difficulties discussing it, consider seeking the assistance of a sex therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support.

5. Embrace the Inevitability of Disagreements and Conflict.

In any marriage, conflicts, and disagreements are natural occurrences as two individuals with unique perspectives and backgrounds come together. Rather than avoiding or fearing conflicts, it is essential to embrace them as opportunities for growth and understanding. Accepting that disagreements will happen allows you to navigate through them with compassion, empathy, and open communication, ultimately strengthening your bond as a couple. During disagreements, listen actively to your partner’s point of view without interrupting or immediately reacting. Try to understand their perspective, feelings, and needs. If the discussion becomes too heated or overwhelming, it’s okay to take a break and revisit the conversation later. This gives both of you time to reflect and cool down.

6. Embrace Change and Adapt Your Relationship Over Time.

As individuals, we constantly grow and evolve, and this holds true for marriage as well. Acknowledging that both you and your partner will change over time is essential in maintaining a thriving and lasting relationship. Just as people are not static, relationships need to be dynamic, flexible, and accommodating to these changes. Schedule regular check-ins with your partner to discuss your evolving needs, desires, and aspirations. Create an environment where both of you feel safe to express your thoughts and feelings openly. 

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day. You and me… every day.”

― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook